First of all, big disclaimer here:
There will be no commentary or speculation in this part. It will (mostly) just be dates and links. The last thing I’d ever want to do is disrespect Mac or anyone he was involved with, and as a diehard Mac fan who knows every lyric to the Faces mixtape..I promise I won’t be doing that.
I am simply putting everything that is already readily available on the internet into a condensed timeline format, for the sake of documenting one of my favorite rapper’s life and where a lot of his lyrics and musical inspiration was drawn from. If you consider this to be disrespectful in some way then I apologize, and would recommend you simply do not read any further. Thank you. May his soul rest in peace forever. 🤍🤞
Before I continue, I want to say that a lot of this post is going to be excerpts from Nomi’s tumblr blog. She spoke about their relationship extensively on there for years. It was not a private blog, in fact she was working towards becoming a writer full-time. On the chance that links get broken or removed, I will be either screenshotting or copy/pasting a lot of that content here for posterity’s sake.
Also while were talking about the early days, I’ll mention that their senior year of high school they became very close. In 2009:
Other cute pics:
UPDATE 3/15/22: It has just come to my attention that about 2-3 weeks after this was published, Nomi wrote a part 6 to her Mac Miller tribute posts. She published this on February 24, 2022.
Now, there is a few posts on her blog that were uploaded on July 28, 2012, but the titles and content imply they were originally written in 2009 and 2010, in an actual journal, and she was just transferring them to digital format.
Then there is this one which, the title date, “January 16th 2010” implies it was written in 2010, heres the link.
and this makes sense, given their ages at the time and the topic she talks about, which is her first year at college. I’m only including this because of this sentence at the end:
I made some grown up people resolutions on New Years! (How I can remember a damn thing about that night is astonishing. Drunkest I’ve ever been, most I’ve ever puked. Good night.)
The first is to keep in touch with people better; a quality I lack and attribute to my mother. The second is to stop being a man-eating whore. Not joking. I realized that guys who I want to be just friends with always develop stronger feelings for me and end up really spiteful towards me when the feeling is not mutual. I suppose I have to, finally (at least for a little while) acknowledge and accept that boys have feelings. Ugh. SO I have decided to date like a grown-up. One person at a time.
She mentions in a different post that we’ll get to, that they were a summer fling that eventually turned into a relationship.. So I think the summer in question was summer of 2009, and then they became a couple not long after that.
On Sept 20, 2011 she writes a post about monogamous relationships:
I’ve never been more happy to be monogamous. Wow, I’m surprised those words actually flew off my fingers. Not because I don’t love my hubby…which is another blog unto itself (literally, I have a blog dedicated to telling him how much I love him*). But I am a woman of science, and monogamy just isn’t natural, its almost against our biology. Before falling madly in love with my amazing boyfriend I was the most anti-relationship girl out there. I thought boys were meant to be collected and played with then put away when I got bored with them. Sick and twisted, or the healthiest view of guys you’ve ever heard?
Well, despite the many benefits of being in a relationship one just emerged tonight that I never really gave much thought to: STDs. A very old, distant friend of mine has been in a lot of pain recently and first thought it to be just a yeast infection. A couple other friends of mine have complained about the same thing and get them maybe a couple times a year. But hers got so bad she had to go to the hospital and it turns out a yeast infection would have been a walk in the park. She has herpes.
Herpes is something everyone jokes about but no one finds funny when the chance of them having it comes up, and I can’t blame them. Its for life. And if monogamy with a person was hard enough to come to terms with imagine spending your whole life with a vaginal disease. You can’t get a divorce from that. All I can do is lend my support but I doubt its enough to make her feel any better. Sex is an integral part of college in a way. That doesn’t mean having it but sexual relationships arise almost every weekend. We’re in a forced breeding pool, and she’s a single girl free to hop into bed with anyone she pleases. Now thats not an option unless she wants to be a total dick and potentially ruin her social life.*authors note: i dont think this has ever been found. im guessing she ran a fan tumblr acct for him? i would deff run a fan account for my mans if he was famous hahaha
Sept 18, 2011: This is her 6th ever post on her blog. She created it this month.
She posts a pic of her and Mac kissing along with some words:
& the next day, September 19 2011: She posts this with a picture of Mac:
is someone cutting onions why are there tears in my eyes rn Anyway so then on Sept 27 2011 she posted about Blue Slide Park being up for pre-order:
On October 25, 2011 she writes a lot about him and their relationship here. See below:
I miss my boyfriend.
My life makes more sense when my mind has less of him in it. That came out confusing. The less mental space he’s given the more sane of a person I become. Or…boyfriend = me crazy.
That’s how I know I’m in love.
I’ve spent a lot of time chasing him around the country and twisting my life to fit his schedule/lifestyle because I didn’t know I had any other choice. I was afraid that the second I let go everything would slip out from between my fingers and be nothing but memories of warm fuzzy feelings.
I keep thinking eventually I’m going to have to make this major decision where its basically him or me. Does that make sense? I’ll have to decide whether I want to spend my life with him, embracing his lifestyle and everything that comes with it… or planting myself somewhere in country and starting a career of my own.
I don’t think most 20 year olds consider these issues. Its hard for me to write about.
Just like how I can’t write about my dad, I can’t write about Malcolm.
Words aren’t right here. At least not the ones that are within my capabilities of creating.
He was always so perfect at describing how he felt about me.
In fact, he was perfect at describing how I felt about him more than I was. Its like he’s one step ahead of me. He has this intuition about us that eventually I’ll give in to. I just need some wonderful author to climb inside my head and heart, collect the info and put it onto paper. Johnathan Safran Foer, of course. The way he writes is… the way I think, or at least close enough.
I didn’t mean to say that I don’t miss him and want him around.
I want that more than anything. But I know I can’t have it so I have to make myself shake the idea. Its like living in the desert and everyday hoping for rain. Eventually, you look at all the sand and think, “hey, this ain’t so bad.”
Who am I kidding….it is that bad. It sucks.
Everyone and their mom wants a piece of the love of my life.
Whether they’re making money off him, paying him or grabbing for his clothes everyone wants him.
But no one gets him and thats what kills me.
He’s an incredibly open person and pours his heart into everything he does but still…I’m afraid the world is going to disappoint him.
I’m afraid he’ll reach his dream and be under-whelmed. I’m afraid he’ll miss so much of world living in this bubble. Actually, the latter makes me annoyed. Pick up a damn book! Read the fucking newspaper! There’s a whole world turning out here and you have no clue about any of it!
Anger, fear, frustration. Love.October 25 2011
And then on November 10, 2011… She writes a really nice post about Mac and his career taking off. Ill post it in full here for posterity:
“Its so hard to see everyone else love you.
I flew out to LA Monday in an attempt to surprise my recently dissatisfied and lonely boyfriend. That and Tuesday was the long awaited release of his first official album.
Blue Slide Park is now sitting comfortably in the number one album spot on the iTunes chart.
The music really is amazing. I’ve been listening to it as my soundtrack to my journey back to the East Coast and get lost in it.
But I know him.
I can’t imagine what it’s like for someone who knows him simply as Mac Miller to listen to the music. That’s whats truly incredible about music if you think about it. It sounds different to everyone who hears it. Whatever walk of life brought you to any particular song will change the sound, the meaning.
For me, there’s a lot of meaning in his music. There’s cravings for something bigger and complete honesty of character. Even when he raps about things that aren’t “true” or haven’t happened, like ummmm FUCKING RANDOM GIRLS…its still him, ya know?
It sounds like… appreciation of music and addiction to sound. Love of effect and aesthetic. Pleading for understanding. Basic instinct and deep vision. And understanding of the part of ourselves we don’t like to look at.
He’s pure emotion. And everyone loves him. But he’s mine…and I don’t like to share.
My love was coveted and rare and cherished and fought for and craved and painful and intoxicating and confusing and exhausting and addicting. Now he could drown in all the love he gets. It makes me jealous. So much love from so many people. People who know him and people who wish they did. I just don’t want my love to get lost. I hate thinking about how other people look at him. With lust or admiration even. With jealousy or an assumption of understanding. Or with greed and money in mind. Or as a building block to their own agenda.
There’s so much space between us. We got to know each other nose to nose. Literally. Laying in his bed for a full summer, nose to nose.
Now he’s in California, I’m in Philadelphia. Soon he’ll be in Arizona, I’ll still be in Philadelphia.
So much space.
When we’re together you can feel the space until we’ve fallen back into remembering who each other are.
We got high last night and laughed a lot.
I remembered what it felt like to be best friends. I want things to be simple again.”November 10 2011
This is one of her first posts on IG, in late Dec 2011, + the one before it was a small concert venue, just a pic of the crowd.
On December 1 2011 she writes a sort of… inner self monologue that I really enjoyed reading lol. These two excerpts stood out in particular:
Before bed she grabbed a pair of granny panties, most likely a stocking stuffer from her mother from a past christmas, and a big sweatshirt to sleep in. Heh…she smirked seeing the one she had chosen.
She looked at it and wondered what he was doing right now, aside from not texting her back. He was her boyfriend. A rap star somewhere on the lower east coast of the country plotting his next big tour at this moment. She looked around her room, her pink and white stripes she had painted diligently on the wall herself, her pink teddy bear she slept with religiously, the pile of half read books on her book shelf, and thought, ‘I wonder if this is how people picture rap star girlfriends living.‘
A couple of her guy friends were going to a concert tomorrow. She had no idea who the artist was but was invited none the less. None of her girlie pals could go so she had been debating what the best call would be.
She also had a fifteen page paper due and was spending the weekend in New York with the roommates: Friday night seeing her boyfriend rock a sold out show in Times Square, Saturday hopefully getting too drunk to care what counter she was dancing on.
Concert…paper…concert…paper. Decisions of a 20-year old college girl.
Also a lot of songs, most songs that mention a girl or a love, are all about Nomi in his first few albums and mixtapes. Missed Calls and Clarity are two that stand out but, so many songs were written about her.
On March 19 2012, she writes a lengthy post about her life & friendships. There is a mention of Mac here in this paragraph:
My boyfriend told me I would really regret not publishing anything. I think he’s right, mildly. I don’t think I’m the best writer but I definitely have ideas that need to get out there. I feel like I could be a very influential voice for my generation, but how to get there? What to do with it if I achieved it? What would my product be? Books..? I want to help and change people while we’re still logical teen and 20-somethings. Yes, logical teens and 20-somethings, I said it. Adulthood is like adding pounds and pounds of makeup to an already beautiful face. Somewhere under all the “life lessons” we are a real person. A genuine person.
On April 24 2012, she makes her private blog/journal, which was originally called “naturalbornliar.tumblr.com”, public, after posting a long text convo she had with Mac where he encouraged her to keep writing. She changed it to peek-mag.tumblr in 2014. He also mentions songwriting himself at one point. Here is what she posted:
The conversation that inspired me to make this blog public. He is an amazing inspiration, and I am greatful for his encouragement.
Me: i know i’m gonna sleep now though
Him: wait wait, can u tell me ur blog name one more time so i can bookmark it
Me: lol uhh, dont bookmark it, just remember it
Him: i wont, k
Him: thats right
what is that supposed to mean?
Him: why did u call it that then?
Me: i dont know it just kind of came to me in a moment of complete and utter inspiration
i’m sure you can relate
just sort of a comment
being a good liar…its a lot of my inner thoughts so its kind of like
being a natural liar, being really good at being whoever or however i want to be
but having one consistent truth underlining life
everything is sort of a lie, i dunno
and i always like fake lie to people
like those random times i convince you of things
i’m just good at it
at like, being convincing
and sometimes i think the first person we lie to is ourselves
so its a self exploring blog
totally true and honest…so there’s like
some irony there
your such a good writer
Me: how much of it have you read
Him: well when u first told me about it i read the whole thing
and then i forgot what the title was called
so i have some catching up to do
but yes…i did really read the whole thing
and will again tonight
Me: i mean its no skin off my back if you didn’t, i was just curious
Him: im not lying to u
no pun intended
your very good at capturing your own emotion.
when i read your writing i feel like I’m talking to u
i can like picture u saying everything
Me: oh hmm, i wouldn’t think one would draw that conclusion. i’m not good at capturing my own emotion, actually, thats why i dont write all that often
its annoying, i have to be like in a very specific “zone”
to blog anyway, written journals are totally different
i could journal everyday in a written notebook
Him: the only reason u feel like that is cuz its your own writing
i’ll write the deepest song and i never feel like i can capture my own emotion with words
Me: no, its because its true. some times i type something and it doesn’t sound at all like how i’m feeling or what i’m trying to say
Him: very rarely
Me: I thought we were talking about me…
Him: we are baby
I’m just telling u
Me: i know that was just joke
Him: you are very good
Me: but I disagree and I want you to know that
with what you’re saying
about one’s own writing
thats why i like Johnathan Safran Foer
and i always say this
because he writes the way i think, i can’t even write the way i think cause when i try it doesn’t read back the way i feel. sometimes it does and thats what i put on the blog
in terms of typed stuff anyways
its funny how like the manner in which you write something can completely change the way it sounds and feels
Chat Conversation End
In June of 2012 she posted this on IG:
On July 23 2012, Mac dropped the music video for “Party on Fifth Ave”. He also sent Nomi a bunch of flowers.
She also posts this about his new LA home:
On July 25, 2012, she makes a short post titled, “To You.” and. 🤧😥Crying.
On the same day she answers this Q about being far apart from him:
August 15 2012, she answers a question someone sent in. mentions that she is sad, at the airport, waiting for a “flight away from her one true love and back to reality”.
On August 19th of 2012 Mac does an interview with Whirl magazine. Nomi is in some of the pics and answers some questions. She posted about it on her blog here:
Unfortunately the online archived version of it has no mention of Nomi. Or pics. ):
August 20 she posts these photos, captioned “Another great get-away with buhby”.
And then on August 29, she posts a long entry about long distance relationships, and him:
A lot of people on here ask me about maintaining a long distance relationship – well, maintaining a relationship period but I don’t feel equipped to really answer that truthfully. Long distance, however, I can speak for.
My relationship has always been long distance, or at least in a period of transition. When things first got started we knew we didn’t have much together – it was the summer before my first year at college and we both recognized that I would be moving away after three short, but incredible, months.
After that its been soaking up time when we have it. Granted, its not as simple anymore.
Tour dates are balanced with mid-terms, balanced with family holidays and press runs, but its worth it.
Which is my only key piece of advice that I have. If its worth it; the distance, the different time zones, only being able to communicate a few times a day or a few times a week, then it won’t feel like work. Being young and in a committed long distance relationship can be hard. Its kind of like you get the worst of both worlds at some times. Yes, you have a boyfriend but no, you never get to see him. Skype and Facetime, I’m certain, were created for the long distance relationship.
Its interesting, when you’re in a long distance relationship you really are able to watch the other person grow and change in ways you never would be able to other wise. Each time you come together its certainly sacred, and always only amazing, but there’s another level to it. Time apart accentuates changes.
Like when you haven’t seen your friend who had been studying abroad in Botswana for six months and you meet for dinner and are flabbergasted with how much weight she gained. If you had been with her everyday you probably wouldn’t notice until someone else pointed it out. Anyways…its sort of like the same thing with a relationship. You’re away for a while, then you come together and have to re-learn each other. It can be very exciting.
It bothers me when people scoff and say, “You’ve changed.” You should be changing! We aren’t static beings. The world around us is complicated and the world inside of us even more so. Do not be put off if your bf/gf leaves and changes a bit. Hopefully, with your guidance and support, they will always be changing for the better.
If you take time apart, live your separate lives, and still come back to each other at the end of the night then have no fear. You two might just make it!August 29 2012
I’ll note here that he was on tour most of the time period between march 2012-october 2012, with some downtime in the summer.
Sept 2 2012 she posts a video of Mac, him doing his song Cruisin:
She also puts another song of his here, J’s on My Feet. Puts a lyric from the song under it.
Bonus pic from this time period because she is just adorable-
On September 18,
She answers a question someone sent in about getting over a 5 year relationship. she talks about her first relationship and how she got into her current one with Mac:
“Oh God, you are in perhaps one of the shitiest situations of all times. Getting over a first love is laborious, and I know plenty of girls who haven’t been able to complete the task for years.
Let me first say that there is no way to not think about your ex. There is no way to not miss that person, or feel hurt and lost almost daily.
My first boyfriend dumped me senior year of high school and I thought my whole world was over. He was the first and only boy I had ever been in love with at the time. I suppose you could call us high school sweet hearts. I over dramatically cut my wrists with a pair of scissors I was so upset. I have a tendency for dramatics, it was totally not necessary.
Anyway…after futile attempts at patching things up (the break-up was my fault, I was not the most faithful of teenage girls) I started distracting myself. With men. I decided…if he’s a lost cause, I’ll make some other guy fall in love with me. I found a series of guys to take my mind off of him, and it worked. None of these guys were anyone I would consider dating. One now has a child, so I mean…there’s that.
I wasn’t looking for a replacement boyfriend, I was looking for someone to text me everyday, to pick me and my friends up late at night and drive us home, to share a case of beer with and make out with a bit. Eventually, I wasn’t stressing about the ex so much. Of course I was still extremely upset about the break-up, but having distractions really lessened the blow.
It was in this mix that I actually started hanging out with my current boyfriend. Although, of course, things were different with him and he moved from being a summer fling to the love of my life.
So, there is hope my dear.
October 10, she posts about how shes getting lots of Qs about him. And about how much she loves him:
On Nov 9 shes asked about her tattoos and we find out her and Mac have matching “rain or shine” tats:
I wanna note here that even though this was in 2012, he wrote a song in 2014, R.O.S. …and i’m biased, but it’s one of my all time favorites. and…it’s completely dedicated to Nomi. i didnt realize it was clearly dedicated to her until i did the research for this article.
“if our love dont last forever, then forever aint the same” is one of the next lines here. Ugh
So ok back to the timeline. She was with him on Thanksgiving a week and a half later, seen here:
and posts that shes thankful for him on IG:
On Nov 27 she writes this. This is such a beautiful, powerful piece of writing to me…
“I’ve filled his space with things and people. But, you cant put a door in place of a dam and contain the river. And I cant replace him.”
Her parents move to a new home around this time (Nov 28) and she blogs about it, saying if all goes according to plan she wont be in Pittsburg much… she’ll be in California:
The new house is nicer than the current house. There are no leaks (yet). There is no smell of cat piss (yet). There is no mess, clutter. There is nothing to drown in.
So yes, I like it mom.
And no, you should take the big room because I won’t ever be here.
I’ll be in California if all goes according to plan.
I hope you know I don’t love you any less when I say, I pray to God it all goes according to plan.November 28
In December her blog is mostly silent. Hes a known cigarette smoker so im sure this was about him on december 10 –
She also posts this on the same day. Later that day. Seems like some of it might be related to their relationship:
You’re in the Shot
What is like to sit on the peripheral of someone’s life?
I’ve observed something fascinating. Twlightzone-ish if you will. I am living the life behind the pictures. It’s very easy to forsake your flesh and blood for filters. A catalytic event has occurred and everything is slowing down as much as it’s speeding up. Like a dream where you keep waking up and starting your day only to wake up and actually start your day only to…you get it.
I was in the car, driving to pick up take out food from my favorite restaurant Thai Me Up (The sexual innuendo is clear, as should the reason be why I like this place ) and I was listening to a woman on NPR interview Libyans seeking their lost loved ones. A mother found her son in a mass grave. And I thought, “I feel like that.” I was being selfish and over dramatic and honest.
It made me think how desperate we feel when things go all wrong. When they slip out from your finger tips or fall through their cracks like sand.December 10 2012
On the same day, she also posted this:
I feel like a very transparent person.
That’s to be taken literally.
In a sense, I feel invisible.
I’ve been made to be invisible. Or,
hidden if you will.
I’ve been hidden.
I’ve felt the need to hide.December 10
which, considering how few people knew about her and Mac, kinda makes me think it could refer to them as well. I think they may have broken up here.
and in January of the new year, 2013, she is reading & writing about the Female Divine/Sacred Feminine:
And her blog doesnt really touch on Mac again until March of 2013, but she posts a single rose on IG on valentines day, captioned “Someone sent me this for Valentines Day. But who…”
..in the comments of this IG post, and you can read more of them yourself but it seems like she deleted a post from her tumblr that made it obvious they broke up in december. and that there was a post in february that made commenters say they were definitely together again and the rose was from him.
So March 30 2013 is where she posts this hilarious brain dump about him, and eventually, his d*ck:
Let’s just say, if he is ever able to put his hand in the butt of a turkey he will do it.
What? No. One ready to be cooked, stuffed.
He’d laugh at that.
Because its kind of sexual… get it?
I don’t know. People say that.
“Stuff you” with penis, is what its getting at it.
I don’t mind the phrase.
I kind of like getting dirty-talked to.
In a stereotypically demeaning manor I mean.
I always wonder,
“Have I been conditioned to like this?”
Has the oppressive Patriarchy in the form of mainstream media shoved this down my throat so many times (heh…heh) that I think I like it?
But no. I think I just like it.
Anyway, my mind and body like it so I don’t know what more to do.
It’s hard to un-like something that you like.
It’s much harder to un-like something than to like something, for sure.
That’s such an intelligent thing to discover.
He always says I’m so smart.
I’m bored with so smart.
To him, I mean.
But it’s so easy to be so smart with someone who –
Well… he’s so smart too.
You can be different kinds of smart.
Let’s just say, I wouldn’t spend any significant amount of time with someone who wasn’t some variety of smart.
I can hear my voice in my own head.
Ick, you know what I don’t like?
Getting fingered by someone who you can’t determine when the last time they washed their hands was. He doesn’t get that. Why that’s a gross thing.
Because he has a penis and well – it goes without saying.
What a great penis though, really.
Penises are, in general, a pretty great thing.
Though, I can completely understand why vaginas are better.
I mean, I don’t really get it,
The hype. But I can emphasize with the love of pussy.
For some reason the word pussy always makes me think about bubblegum.
Who doesn’t think about sex every day? When I think about sex I think about –
Let’s just say –
Let’s just leave it at that.March 30
And, apparently, Nomi and Mac (temporarily) broke up in/around April of 2013, because In this June 2013 interview, he talks about her, saying the following:
You recently got out of a relationship you’d been in for for the duration of your career. Does the angst of that breakup show up on this album?
I met my ex in eighth grade. We were together from the end of junior year till two months ago. I’m in that relationship for four years. When it’s that long, the first two years are one thing, but the second two years shit really gets hard. Especially with what I’m doing. Macadelic was all about us. This love/drugs stuff, how love and drugs are the same thing—our relationship was fucking me up. It made me think of myself as a bad person. (authors note, mac is 21 here, so he started dating her in 2009 when he was 17)
You squirmed in an interview earlier when girls came up. Having been with one person for so long, do you think you know more or less about love than most kids your age?
I’m uncomfortable talking about the relationship, especially on video, cause I know she’s going to watch and see my facial expressions and it’ll be bad. That was my first real relationship and it’s still not 100% over. I’ve learned a lot about myself from being with her, but I can’t tell if I know anything about love yet.
Has anything aired that you regret filming?
The Vegas episode. I watched the Vegas episode and I was like, I’m like a fucking idiot. I was still working through problems with my girlfriend and there was a shot of me in a pool, with a girl coming on me and me being like, “Cut the cameras off.” [They kept the clip in the show anyway]. I don’t even like the girl being on the episode. (another authors note: he had a TV show at the time, & was referring to the final episode of season 1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mac_Miller_and_the_Most_Dope_Family)
April 30 2013: Mac Miller politely shuts down Ariana Grande relationship rumors:
“That’s the homie. She’s got a boyfriend and everything. Obviously, that [kiss] made everyone talk. I didn’t even know that was going to happen and then we were shooting and the director was like ‘This should happen’ and I’m like ‘Alright.’
When I went back to my old school, elementary, middle school, the other day when I was in Pittsburgh, and everyone was freaking out like ‘You kissed Ariana Grande.’ I was like ‘Yeah….you know how I do,’
“She’s a very, very talented singer, like she can sing incredibly. And she’s a great person. She’s one of the nicest just people I’ve ever met in my life.”(note: ariana was dating Jai Brooks at this time period)
Also. if youve read this far then you should know that i painstakingly read pretty much every single blog nomi wrote for… nearly a decade because I felt this needed to be documented somewhere. I dont want any part of Mac’s legacy to be forgotten to the wear and tear of time.
So……. back to the TL.. Mac and Nomi must have fixed things because Nomi moved to LA on May 17, 2013:
I dont think living with him was permanent though, because on May 22 2013 she posts that she moved in to her own apartment in LA.
On July 8 Mac does an interview at his new LA home where he spoke highly of Ariana.
Some quotes from it:
- When asked how he met Ariana he answers: “Twitter. If you ever interview her… she’ll tell you an awesome story about, like, her label person telling her that she should work with me and her saying, ‘He looks weird.’ But I am weird… she was correct. But she didn’t know that there was a really genuine person [in there].”
- “Shes like the greatest person in the world. Shes like an angel. Shes very nice, shes a sweet girl. She comes over here to make music thats like…weird? So i’ll have her come over here to make weird songs ya know?”
Other Notable 2013 entries on Nomis blog include this July 9 2013 entry, a day after that interview was posted:
I was honestly never one to whom being in a relationship came naturally. I’ve had merely two and I was coerced into both. Not by manipulation, but by the betrayal of my heart to someone else’s. I had no choice–metaphysically speaking. Looking back, we certainly had it all figured out, but perhaps a bit too early.
Relationships, their beginnings, middles, and ends, have a way of highlighting your insecurities. You begin to see yourself as a reflection, using someone else’s gaze as your mirror. This is both the necessary and hideous nature of love. Women, we are suckers for words.
And men are suckers for women. I learned some of the most beautiful parts of myself from someone else seeing them in me first.
There is nothing like the sight of a boy’s eyes lost in bemused wonderment at you (though, you will find this happens very easily, and very frequently, as men are usually “bemused” by things that are “complex”…say, for example, women).
And women, I grudgingly admit, are easily driven mad by love. But what I purpose is not that it is love that ignites rage, and insecurities, and sadness–but a lack of understanding about one’s self. You must belong to no one but yourself.
You must belong to no one but yourself.
During winter break I took a breather from a lengthly relationship and began a new one. An intimate relationship with Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own. I was flooded with a sense of purpose and clarity. I felt, finally, like myself again.
All great things are wild and free.
To truly love, I’ve heard, you must love selflessly. But there is nothing selfless about love. I have been feasted upon. I have been craved, like an addiction, and sucked for affection. I have seen my love drive others to depression. I have been merely me, and broken hearts. Love is a selfish, cancerous thing. It is dangerous. It is confusing. It is difficult to determine where it begins and ends–where it’s true and where it mocks something artificial.
Love is a woman’s most beautiful waste of time.
So play, darling, but do be home in time for supper.July 9
She moved out of LA by August 13 2013…and judging from this IG post, i think she probably just had a summer internship in LA. (its a pic of her at a workplace on july 30 saying “last day at @ GOOD is bittersweet”)
so i dont think this was ever meant to be permanent. But yeah August 13 she posted this about LA and being in New York now:
X stared at his text message.
The music was building. Electronic synths climbing towards the chorus. Everything felt dramatic. She was tucked away in the back bedroom of a small, brick box in the Upper East Side. Very little had made it with her, and she was becoming incredibly familiar with the contents of her two suitcases.
Los Angeles had been hollow. It stained her with a golden tan. She brought the warmth with her to New York. Now all became a game. But she couldn’t decide who she was playing against.
A fork in the road. But damn did she love the journey. The uncertainty that clung to the end of the month, why was it so thrilling? She had romanticized about these days. Sharing a single fridge and toilet with three strangers; guys; finding more faces to populate her dreams on the 4,5, or 6 train heading back Uptown. Being able to say Uptown.
The curious case of the number 22. She was infected.
“I had sex for money once. But I was in Amsterdam.” Roommate said. He was French.
That somehow made it alright.August 13
…but of course this whole situation reminds me of this part of Someone Like You’s chorus:
Shit ain’t been the same since she left me here alone, whoa
You hurt so good, girl, your lovin’ hurt so good
End of August she posts a throwback video on IG of him and her being cute together from a previous vacation, says shes excited for the Europe tour in october. As we see, shes still with Mac, she posts with him near the end of September here , Looks like shes going on tour with him:
October of 2013 Mac Miller goes on a European tour with Lil Wayne and Two Chainz. Nomi is with him and her blog is filled with pics from Europe during this month. Heres some:
November and Dec 2013:
In January of 2014 she posts this about Mac, which he ends up referencing in the Faces mixtape in May 2014, when he starts the song Wedding with “My bitch can tell that I’m addicted to pussy, she lookin past it…” but we’ll cover that more in a bit. the post in question:
and she posts this on IG for his birthday:
im going to fast forward a BIT to advance the story here. But first i want to point out this post in April 2014 she wrote about the Divine Woman and the Divine Man. Because his 2016 album The Divine Feminine is something she definitely helped put him on to.
Also her birthday is April 18, and she spent it with Mac at Coachella this year.
So anyway around May 8 2014, seems like they had a breakup…
And May 11 2014,
Mac released his Faces mixtape, which is my personal favorite of his many bodies of work.
“This mixtape prizes frankness over curation. On cuts like opener “Inside Outside” and “Here We Go”, the latter in which Mac pridefully scans his growing empire and notes that he “did it all without a Drake feature”, the joy is infectious.“
“Hard partying bleeds into unexpected corners of the proceedings, from the debit card covered in ‘snowflakes’ on “Friends” to the cautionary PCP comedown tale of “Angel Dust”. Miller catalogues reckless substance use like a news anchor would a traffic jam.”
When “Polo Jeans” opens with “I give no fucks when I go nuts cuz I smoke dust,
overdosed on the sofa,
“Woke up from the coma,
pulled up in a Škoda,
smoked, went back to bed”
You’re more likely to run it back for the deft internal rhymes than the plot point about a potential overdose.
The song Wedding in particular is a favorite, and definitely seems to have Nomi as the inspiration, cites a lot of the ups and downs theyve had,
During the time this came out, in May & June she posts some clear break up references…one about the Wedding song specifically:
Side note, all during May shes posting a lot on instagram of her with her parents and family, on hikes, doing a bike marathon, talks about how her dad got her and her sister a car to share, so im guessing shes back living at home or maybe with her sister in pittsburg at this time.
Ok pause. Back to present day for a sec. Its 11PM on Friday January 28, 2022 as I write this. I started this entry after work, around 6PM. I realize I am probably spending way too much time on the Nomi and Mac saga… but there is just so much to talk about. And honestly she’s such a great writer that I really am enjoying digging through her posts. But, I’m going to try make it more brief going forward, okay?
So .. May 2014. Summer of 2014.
I think the breakup was tough on Mac. I say this because of this interview, & the following excerpts:
- “In the summer of 2014, Mac hit a low point, which also became a personal breakthrough. “So I’m fucked up in Europe one day, and I drunk-dialed Rick Rubin,” Mac says while scarfing down Mexican food at a restaurant blocks from his new home. “I was like, ‘Rick, dude, I’m fucked up, will you help me?’ So I went and kicked it with him for the summer in Malibu. And got clean.””
- Mac also tells the following story: “I had this assistant and part of what he did was wipe the coke — and sometimes blood — off my rolled-up bills. And I had this moment when I looked at my phone and saw that I had him [listed] in there as ‘Intern.’ I asked him what he had me in his phone as. He said ‘My hero.’ ……I lost it. I couldn’t stop crying. And that’s when it hit me that, even then, I could still have a positive impact on some people’s lives.”
Then, on June 9 2014 she talks a bit about how she doesnt like monogamy here:
I never liked the idea of being “owned,” or “claimed,” as if a big red stamp was splayed across my forehead forbidding from me the things I found most entertaining. I didn’t like that someone else’s emotions weighed so heavily on my shoulders. As if I didn’t have plenty of things to sift through in my own cluttered attic.
It seemed…like such a waste of the absolute most attractive time of one’s life. Does everyone not realize that we should settle at the same rate as our wrinkles?
And then one day…
I say I was dragged into love completely against my own will, clawing and scratching at the pavement. I tried to tuck back the corners of events as they unfolded. But I have found, that is the relentless nature of…ugh…I wish there were another word other than “love.” The word “love” is like cupcake frosting that is pretty to look at but much too sweet in your mouth. (I hate sweets).
If this isn’t making any sense that’s because the-word-that-will-not-be-named does not make much sense to me. It has given me the most euphoric tastes and then moments later turned them bitter. It’s a dangerous, deadly, addicting, maddening, orgasmically delicious thing.
It’s always a game. It’s you against the deepest parts of yourself. I just try to always enjoy the playing.June 9
I think Mac is trying to fix things with her by June 16 because she tweeted, “He doesn’t always do the right thing, but he always says the right thing. And when going to bed alone, sometimes that’s enough.”
Andddd by July 2014 she is posting on IG about watching his TV show
And in August she posts with Mac on IG, so i guess that break up didnt last too long. Him trying to get sober over the summer maybe helped too
In November of 2014 she posts about him again on her blog:
That is the question.
“He” was here on an impromptu trip to Pittsburgh, the goal of which was to sweep me off my feet and back into the oblivion of being in love. I was resistant at first, holding tight to my bound pages of journal entries inked with lessons learned. It’s not that it’s “hard to let someone back in who has hurt you.”
At this point there’s no “in” and “out.”
We’re woven. I am as much him, as he me, if you look at it from a certain holistic and somewhat sappy perspective. We are the sum of our experiences. We are the hands who have touched us, the tears we have caused others to cry.
Anyway, we fought a lot. Or…struggled to reach common ground. Or…I was determined to get my way. My way is as follows: People do not belong to one another.
Loving someone is not a currency that gets you anything other than the satisfaction of loving someone. Or the release of love. We often feel we have achieved some great feat by the deep, romantic loving of another person. We feel that because we have put ourselves out on a such a feeble limb, we are deserving of something. We are owed reparations for all that we lose when in love, like our freedom and our minds.
I have been free here for so long that it’s hard to view relationships, love even, as anything other than a cage. Love is suffocating, it’s overwhelming, it’s ever present. When you love someone and the wind blows the wrong way, you stumble into madness. Love and Madness live next door to each other in an old, cramped, New York apartment building with paper thin walls. They get each other’s mail when they’re out of town.
The reasons on my “No, No Don’t Do It!” list are more about me than they are about Him. And maybe that says something. We both have a lot of growing up to do, but let’s just say me a lot less…
And it’s not like there wouldn’t be issues. There’s always issues. But I’m wrapped so tightly around this version of Nomi who only has place in her heart for her big dreams, not boys.
I just think I am bored with love. I’ve for so long lived in it’s cozy womb and have learned every fleshy inch. I know it’s feel, can smell it from a mile away all overly sweet and sensitive. Love is not what I want someone to feel for me. Love is not strong enough. It can’t bear weight, it can’t bend in the wind. Do not love me, surprise me. Enchant me. Delight me. Dazzle me. Indulge in me. Destroy me. Despise me. Crave me. Nourish me. Support me. Explore me. Enliven me. Inspire me. Chase me.
Bring me to flames.November 6 2014
The next day, Nov 7, she tweets an article to Mac, 11 Reasons You Should Date an Unemotional Woman:
side note: Also in November 2014, she writes a long piece defending Kim K (hi r/KUWTK friends!!! we love a crossover!!)
Now lets look at 2015.
January she is definitely back with Mac, but theyre not monogomous. Open relationship, im pretty sure, based on her recent musings:
Women for so long were taught that our lives lead to some golden peak of being loved, of being safe. Jessica Lang’s character [in AHS: Coven] is evil, and it just made me think how that’s just something girls don’t get to be very often. What would we be, what would we have accomplished, what chaos would we ignite if we could just be bad.The entire construction of our identities relies on how we are assessed by men (boys with beards). We have been denied the underbelly of life. The way I think about relationships, I’m finding, is pretty unconventional, and it makes me feel like a bad person. Like I’ve lost some piece of my humanity because true and absolute love is not of particular interest to me. My friends all seem to want the same thing, or at least are intensely focused on it. And I just don’t get it.
A boyfriend is a step above a dog and a step below a baby.
I say this all from the comfort of having someone amazing in my life who loves me deeply. So I say this all from a safe place. But I can offer the following: too much of anything can turn it to poison.January 5
Her blog is mostly just reposts for a bit, Feb, March, April. Shes traveling a lot with Mac, as we see on her IG:
And on April 22 2015 she posts this, they went to a kanye west afterparty for Coachella im guessing:
In April she writes more often. On April 27 2015, and this post is a great read, but pretty lengthy so you can read it here, i will take some excerpts i think are relevant below:
I feel like I’m the only girl in the world who doesn’t want a boyfriend.
Or at least a boyfriend in the commonly accepted definition of the term. Out of every pair of glossed lips around me comes lamenting about – or for, or over – a boyfriend. The way I see it we need to redefine what we consider to be a “relationship.”
There’s someone in my life who very much so wants to be “together.” But this confuses me because, in most senses of the word, we are. We’re there for each other emotionally – we talk ad nauseam about anything and everything. We know each other’s fears, doubts and insecurities inside out. We spend time together. We have fun together.
There’s love, and friendship, and intimacy, and adventure.
But he wants more.
“The only thing you don’t have is ownership,” is my response.
And that’s how I feel. I mean the only thing that would change in being “together” is no longer having a right to be physical with other people. Now…sure, most people are probably thinking, “Well yeah, duh.” But to me that’s just, well, I don’t know, silly.
Guys. It’s just sex.
It’s just sex but it gets tied up with meaning so much more, especially as a girl. Sexual freedom means you don’t own me, all of me. Monogamy is confusing to me because the desire for it seems to stem from insecurity. Like, if I’m giving someone everything they need to feel good, why does it matter I (or he for that matter) am with other people as well?April 27
I’ll play my own devil’s advocate here. Do I want to know that someone I love is spending time and being physically intimate with another girl? No, I can’t particularly say that I do.
But that’s something I can not only get over, but can also learn to handle. The way someone feels about me doesn’t change when and if he sleeps with another girl.
And that’s kind of it. We’ve placed so much stock in physical monogamy that it’s almost like that’s what our relationships mean. Just that we’re not fucking someone else.
When I was in a committed situation with my boyfriend I said “there are so many things worse he could do to me than sleep with another girl,” and “I wouldn’t end a relationship if he cheated.” He did [cheat], and I didn’t. So I’m a living, breathing embodiment of my own doctrine. (To be fair, I wasn’t a golden, faithful angel either).
But what did happen is he became distant. He took a lot of drugs. He wasn’t present. That hurt me.
That started the beginning of the end.
Like I said. It’s just sex. And sex is fucking fantastic and wonderful and awesome and so much fun. So why have we positioned ourselves in this pigeon hole where our whole idea of a good relationship is literally centered on monogamy?
Anyway, I think I’m rambling. I was covering these bases with Best Friend 1 and 2 tonight and the topic naturally came up. They don’t agree with me, by the way. They want boyfriends. They want to be girlfriends. They want a long happy marriage and a ton of babies.
They want a soulmate. And I feel like I have a soul mate. I just don’t understand why it has to have anything to do with my fucking vagina.
and in May 2015:
Then in July she posts this about relationships:
Side note..why is she convincing me that all of this makes perfect sense LOL. Here i am thinking “damn… no one should own another person. relationships, when monogomous, are insecure and controlling by design. by their very nature, even. Humans should not be forced to give other humans ownership of their penises or vaginas” LMAO. Need to process this more. Will update yall later. Maybe. LMAO.
Back to the timeline!!!
August 7 she posts a pic of Mac holding her cat on IG. And heres some more August 2015 content:
ALSO they moved in together in NYC in August!!!
Look at this interview from Aug 20 2015. He discusses his struggles with sobriety and Nomi is mentioned a lot throughout the entire piece. Some highlights:
- “The 23-year-old rapper is a natural storyteller, armed with the charisma of a seasoned stand-up comedian. He covers the entire surface area of the room as he glides through the story, figuratively transporting the audience — which includes me, and also includes his publicist, as well as Mac’s girlfriend (and high school prom date) Nomi Leasure.”
- “His new apartment, for example, is in complete disarray — two boxes sit in one corner, a flat-screen TV lays flat and unplugged on the floor, duffel bags are unzipped. He’s clearly still moving in. I spot a cat on the spiral staircase. Nomi presents a second pet, this one sassily lying like royalty in a circular cat bed. “Someone gave the cat to us in the Chick-fil-A drive-through. We haven’t picked a name yet,” Mac says. And just like that, Mac and Nomi adopted a second cat.”
- “We just pulled the U-Haul up last night from Pittsburgh,” Mac notes proudly. “I’m geeked to have finally made the full jump. I actually feel like this is going to be really good for me. And I hate to say ‘normal,’ but it’s dope to just pack your shit up in a U-Haul with your girl and drive to fucking New York.”
In September 2015 there are more posts and pics with him. GO:OD AM dropped on September 18 ’15. This is the album the song Rain or Shine, about Nomi, comes out. There are lots of pics from the release party, but ill just post one here for the timelines sake:
Also, he calls Nomi his wife when giving RapGenuis an annotation for the song Weekend ft Miguel:
and in Perfect Circle/Godspeed he mentions wanting to make her a mother.
This song… the first time I listened to it, my god. Its brutal. Please read the lyrics in full here.
After Mac passed away, this was a song I couldnt listen to for years.
Actually.. I dont know if I’ve listened to it since he passed now that I think about it.
Its a lot of him talking about how his friends and family are scared he will overdose and kill himself, and he talks about how they would react if it happened.
It was a super tough listen back then, but I genuinely don’t think I’ve been able to sit and listen to it through since he passed away.
In Ascension, he has a one-liner that, I remember when I heard it the first time I stopped and rewinded it because the way the entire sentence flowed had me shook lol. The line was, “My bitch batshit crazy, and that shit fascinates me” LMAO. Just the fact that he rhymed those 3 words, with 3 totally different words like that, the way it sounded rhymed together, that shit was so cool to me, haha.
And, now that i’m looking at it after doing all of this, it was a Nomi reference maybe?IDK.
In Rush Hour he references her in the chorus, saying that he might get married to a local bitch. Theres prob other references Im missing but, you get the picture.
On October 6 she posts this about feeling like shes falling in love again.
Talks about Mac and them living together:
How many times am I going to write this sentence: I feel myself falling in love again. How many times have I stood on this same edge, peering over into the familiar unknown? I remember the last time I jetted off to Europe with him. Three years ago maybe.
I had flown from LA to New York out of spite.
He paid a visit with plastic apologies in his bag. Invited me to Europe. I went. I only had my sublet for another day anyway, I needed a place to go. And we patched ourselves back together in Paris.
Things are different this time, of course. We’re…”together.” I mean, I conceded to monogamy. And as much as I rolled my eyes and tried to warm my cold feet in stretched out slippers before…I’m really enjoying it. I get it again. I get why people love love.
But I say that now, only days after the cleaning ladies have paid visit to the apartment. And we have different time zones looming over our heads.
We’ll see how I feel come December. When he forgets to run the dishwasher.
On Oct 9 2015 Mac left for tour and she posted this, says she cried:
And Oct 10 2015 she posts a long write-up about sex and orgasms. She mentions her current boyfriend and … ummm I feel like this is not necessary to share here, lol. But she still has it up, so you can read it if you want.
Halloween together on the 31st:
And then On November 2 2015 she says of their relationship, “being insanely in love and mildly obsessed with one another is what has seemed to hold my relationship intact — mixed with allowing one another to go off and explore on our own.”
THIS NOVEMBER 4 2015 POST HAD ME FUCKIN DYINGGGG OK. Enjoy.
I removed a few parts to try to shorten this, but you kind of have to read it all lmaoooo:
This past weekend I finally got some. And I mean…THANK GOD because I was to that level of horniness where your eyes glaze over in the middle of the day because you’re lost in thought fantasizing about every mildly attractive man you’ve ever come in contact with. I’ve discovered about myself long ago that the longer I go without sex, the less of a rational human being I become.
And it’s super-ultra-near-impossibly-hard for me now that my boyfriend is away on tour and I’m living this congenial life of single mom to two cats with a full time job.
Weekends, to me, are for pouring up a vodka/water/lime juice,* taking forty minutes in the shower to wash, shave, sugar scrub, then re-wash your hot bod, lathering on cocoa butter, matching a lacy pair of boyshorts to a lacy push up bra, and then going out and getting inappropriately touched by a guy you’re, you have to admit, not that mad is inappropriately touching you.
This isn’t to say I’m not SUUUUUPER happy and in love and blah blah blah. More so just calling attention to my basic human nature. And how these weeks really drag on knowing there’s no rock hard dick waiting for me come Friday.
I’m losing my point here.
Kind of like I lost the tampon.
…somewhere inside my body.
My plan was to fly out and meet Boyfriend in bumble-fuck Wichita, Kansas (apologies to any bumble-fuck Wichitians) get it on all weekend, and then fly home in a fucked-semi-senseless coma…in time for work on Monday, mind you.
Then along comes my wack-ass period to ruin the party. Lucky for me…my boyfriend is a FREAK. I mean capital F freak. Which I guess is redunit given that this is a typed post.
So…I put a tampon in in the morning, go to work, rush out around 2PM to catch my flight, touch down in Kansas, meet up with Boyfriend, and the whole time I’m thinking…fuck, I have to take this thing out at some point. Here I’m planning on having a hot, drawn out foreplay-style sex-sesh and I have this tampon in me totally killing my vibe.
When we get to the hotel it’s like, enough is enough, “Bae, I gotta take my tampon out.” (He knew I was on my period. Benefit of long-term relationship status) So I go to take out my tampon…and I’m fumbling around, and my tampon is just no where to be found. I stick my fingers all the way up to the point that I feel like I’m somehow touching my ass hole or something and, like, nothing.
So then bae ventures up there, damn near up to his elbow, and guess what?
No. Fucking. Tampon.
And because the two of us together have the common sense of a hot cheeto we’re both like whoa! our sex chemistry is so strong that the tampon EVAPORATED from sheer will power and the period is TOTALLY OVER!!
So we enjoy a whole weekend of mysteriously blood free sex and I return to work on Monday to my very rational (and classically anxious in that Jewish woman type of way) boss and am like, “Yeah a tampon just disappeared from my vagina, it was super weird.”
And, reasonably so, my boss is like, “Girl…you need to go to the fucking doctor. That thing is probably stuck inside you.”
So, now I’m like, oh fuck…she makes a good point. Much better than Boyfriend’s point of the sex Gods had our backs. So I go to planned parenthood the next day. And the physician’s assistant spreads me open with those vagina-spreader things, and she pokes around my pussy like Laura Croft Tomb Raider, and by-golly there’s no tampon in sight.
So me and the physician’s assistant just giggle and giggle about this little mishap. And then we chat about BV (bacterial vaginitis) and HPV, and pap smears in that friendly way that you do with someone who’s just swabbed you up to your cervix.
And then, well, I go and get on with my life.
This story is all to say a few things:
1. Never stop believing in magic. Sometimes when you wish hard enough, your wildest dreams will come true. And your pussy can develop the supernatural ability to not only stop periods by sheer will power, but also dissolve and evaporate feminine hygiene products.
2. Fucking #StandWithPlannedParenthood I mean, I’m new to New York city, my insurance doesn’t take effect until later this month, where on earth ELSE could you go for something like this?
3. Always have a hypochondriac somewhere in your friend group. You need someone around who worries irrationally about things so that if you’re a person like me, you don’t wind up potentially dying from something that would be horrifically embarrassing to say over your grave at a funeral.
Good night. And God love the drunks and dumbies.
In December 2015, they go to Art Basel in Miami together. Shes posting tour pics during the last 30 days randomly as well. He also announces he is cancelling the European leg of his tour that was set for 2016 due to exhaustion.
2016 I am going to break off into a seperate post, because this is the year Ariana comes into the story.
Before I do that, one more thing about Nomi, Macs album, released in Sept 2016, The Divine Feminine, was …mostly about her. We’ll talk about it more in part 3/the next post, but she blogged a lot throughout the years about female empowerment and things like the divine feminine. This is a good one too.
Part 3, AKA…. 2016: Beginnings and Endings.
This goes into 2016, the end of Nomi and Mac..for good… and the start and proceedings of Ariana and Mac. I linked it above but here is the link again.